Have you seen my libido? Where has it gone?
I searched up to the ceiling and down to the floor.
I’ve been looking everywhere; I was up before dawn.
I looked in the closet – it wasn’t there.
I looked in the garage, well, I looked everywhere!
I ran up the hill and back down again.
“Come back to me” I shouted. I want you as my friend!”
But my libido had gone. It was taking a hike.
I had taken it for granted, so it had taken flight.
Never again, I vowed silently –
Will I take my libido for granted, and I turned on the TV.
There he was, every woman’s dream in flat screened color –
I wanted to scream with relief and holler!
He was tall, dark and handsome, pleasant to see,
And all I had to turn on was my TV!
My libido was back, I just needed to be inspired-
That cutie on TV looked like a lot of fun to me.
I hadn’t died, but I’d gone to heaven.
I just needed juicy thoughts and a little inspiration!
A miracle happened! It had been here all along; It didn’t die,
I just needed a guy! – Tasha Donahue
There are so many reasons that we think we have lost our libido. Often, it is just the lack of sex or a partner who precipitates a loss of libido. I remember sitting with my sisters and cousin in Florida having lunch and all of them proclaiming they had given “that” up long ago. Didn’t want it. Didn’t have it. Didn’t mourn the loss. I thought they were nuts.
Libido is, of course, the drive that fuels the desire to have sex. Their libido wasn’t dead; it just lay dormant, in a coma somewhere south of the Mason Dixon line.
I was reading a book by Diana Hoppe, M.D., “Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You” and Dr. Hoppe tells us to improve our life with sex. Sex has so many benefits.
1. Sex promotes longevity. (Well, God, let me give myself over to science and live a long life!) Hoppe lists many of the studies that promise a healthier, happier and longer life.
2. Sex eases depression and alleviates stress. (unless, of course, it is really bad sex: that can promote depression, I think!). “Used”, she says, “in a right way with the right person, sex can have both uplifting and calming effects.” Praise God.
3. Sex boosts the immune system. (so avoid the common cold by having sex! Beats vitamins.)
4. Sex improves brain health. That means older people with memory issues might see improvement in brain functioning.
5. Sex preserves vaginal health. Use it or loose it. As I point out in my own book, “Meet Me Under The Eiffel Eiffel”, Tower,” our high school boyfriends might have used that line on us in the hot pursuit of our bodies, actually medical professionals now confirm that it is true. Compare sex with potato chips: When we don’t have any we don’t crave them as much as having just one chip. After we have one, our appetites get rived up for more: hey, give me that bag!
6. Sex is healthy for the body I always knew that. The mind, body, soul connection is so important. Yes, I suppose you can ignore one or all three, but then, I have to ask why anyone would.
7. Sex assists in relieving pain. Orgasm can be a powerful painkiller. (Ouch! My back is killing me. I need, ah, er, help!)
8. Sex heals physical and emotional wounds. The release of oxytocin assists in the physical healing of wounds. On and on she (and many others) go on the topic.
Don’t be in denial of what science assures us is fact. Sex is good for you.
Back to libido. I write in my book about this. I went to a doctor at what I refer to here in San Diego as Miser Permanente. They don’t believe much in such counselling, I can tell you. I asked to have a saliva test, which can determine my estrogen and testosterone levels. They dismissed the suggestion. I recommend all the time to younger woman to get a salvia test done by a health care profession while you are not menopausal. Then, later, after menopause you can compare the numbers.
Often your libido will take a hiatus, and just when you think it may be in a hospice, up pops a partner who looks, well, like he might be able to affect reunion for you and your libido. It is helpful to have a partner!
In Dr. Hoppe’s book, she quotes a patient: ‘I’m not sure why my libido is suddenly so low. All I know is that if Brad Pitt walked into the room today, I would ask him to babysit my kids.”
If a younger woman can feel that way, sure and begora, we older broads have that condition multi-fold. Let’s talk about how to regain it in our next blog.