So, OK, you’ve seemed to have misplace that libido somewhere along life’s path. How to get it back?
It can happen any time in life regardless of age, but the life journey can interrupt the flow of libido. We all know that. No news. Isn’t it our responsibility somewhere along the path to become aware that we have lost something important. I spoke in my last blog of the book I just finished reading, Diana Hoppe, M.D.’s “Healthy Libido, Healthy Life”. You can find a link to Dr. Hoppe’s page on my home page left hand side. Some of the things that nudge the loss of libido:
Too much To Do: Holy Hell, is that the truth or what? There are very few “burdened” with nothing to do in their lives, who flounce around the house entertaining their libido day and night. How shallow all that would be, anyway. The answer, according to Dr Hoppe, is to prioritize. Don’t expect to get it all done. Recognize that as you let your libido slip into a coma there may be a terrible price to pay eventually.
Hormonal Fluctuations: Since we ladies were about ten years old, many of us have run around with fluctuating hormones…not easy on us or those who dare love us. Consult your gynecologist, doctor or your shrink to get them into a normalcy that won’t start the Third World War. This is common sense. Or you become your own hatchet man for the assassination of your sex life, and your partner’s, which could lead to someone’s homicide.
Relationship Difficulties: All relationships are challenged along the path of the fickle finger of fate. Life is the Yellow Brick Road and each turn brings up another obstacle. We are told that adversity breeds character. Remind yourself that sex never starts in the bedroom, but it does in every other “room” of your home and “window” of your life. The words you say to each other are either loving or not. This is one thing that is only white or black. The little, unexpected surprises keep a relationship in flight. Looks, nuisances, words (or non communication) either bring you together after the lights go out or drive you further and further apart.
Poor Body Image: “Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.” – Sophia Loren – Over fifties just don’t look the way we once did. Would we want to be twenty again? OK, maybe for a day (or night), but the sum of all our experiences turns into depth and maturity often bringing more contentment than any swinging from the chandelier that we may have experienced in our youth. So we aren’t Sophia Lauren, so we have stretch marks, varicose veins, wrinkles and more hair in ourears than on top of our head. So? We more than compensate for imperfect bodies with a remarkable resilience and with wisdom. I recognize this confidence is not always easy to achieve (especially if you are considering a new partner), but if some shallow partner dares to complain tell him to step in front of the mirror and evaluate himself, his body and his spirit. Probably won’t measure up to yours! If that doesn’t work, tell him to take a hike.
Previous Sexual Abuse: Thankfully, I haven’t experienced this although I did take one stalker to three courts and sued him (and won in all three courts). Clearly, this is a league out of my expertise. The only thing I can advise is to get a trusted shrink to help you through this turmoil of emotions.
Health: Medications can screw up libido. Double check the side effects of your meds. Exercise helps libido. Attitude is everything. Health or a lack of health still doesn’t preclude you for touching, kissing, listening and embracing one another. Be honest; there are loads of panaceas, pills, shots, and therapy available with those with a sluggish libido.
Finally, do you really want to find that missing libido? THAT is the big question. While it is not all there is to life, it leads to a bonding between two people that can add health, enjoyment and a connection that would not otherwise be there. As I said in my book “Meet Me Under The Eiffel Tower”: by leading a full, rich, multi-dimensional life, you are honoring the God who created you. You are honoring yourself.” Libido is the first step to a renewed sexual you.
In my first article about libido (When Your Libido Runs Away From Home) I mention my cousin and sisters almost bragging about the loss of libido (and unspoken, of sex) in their lives. It is a call we all must make. Do remember that you can always change your mind. Don’t care about your libido today? OK, maybe you will tomorrow. Remain open. My sister, at 62 has found the love of her life and they are living very happily together now. My cousin has passed away from Crone’s Disease (stress-related), and my other sister is now aware that she does, indeed, still have a libido. Life changes. We make choices. Make healthy ones for yourself. Don’t be afraid to embrace life in all its many, splendid dimensions.