Here’s some do and don’t if you are traveling the same crazy path of internet dating.
Profile Questionnaire A Cautionary Note: Sometimes these websites really ask personal, sometimes offensive, questions. Don’t answer any questions on the internet that you wouldn’t want the entire universe to know! Normally, you can skip a question and go on to the next. If an answer is required (that you find inappropriate) get off the website..
Ladies and Gentlemen: tell the darn truth but don’t give your entire history all at once either on the web or at a first meeting. TMI. Too much information can scare even the saints away…especially the saints(the good guys). You need not say, for instance, that your father molested you, that your kid is in prison, that you have been fired from every job you ever held or that you just filed for bankruptcy! In California, it is not if you have been married, it’s how many times have you been married. That you need to tell up front. If you are a felon, (yep, they are up there), you need to divulge that prior to meeting. If you feel you deserve the truth then the other side of the coin deserves that same truth. Tell your truth in small increments lest the guy across the table buying lunch heads for the hills, frightened of knowing more. Yeah, and let’s tell the truth about our age. We are what we are and the other person needs to be knowledgeable and accepting from the start.
Updated Photos: The first time I went on a website I was unable to upload a photo and contacted a man who quickly responded that he wouldn’t go forward without my photo. Well, ladeda! How superficial, I huffed. Then, later, after acquiring some hard-earned experience with men who had very dated photos the requirement of a photo became obvious. Now I understood. You really have the right to know who you are meeting. A photo should be less than two years old. I, myself, happen to take really good photos. Heck, I don’t look that good, I explain to a man before I meet him. I want to prepare him that I am just photogenic. Thankfully, they have all been gentlemen and complimentary about photo-to-reality experiences. It is realistic to expect wrinkles if you are over fifty regardless of how great the picture is.
Further, gentlemen, keep your shirts on! We women really are not interested in seeing your hairy chests! Gads! Your primary photo should be a close up. I, for one, don’t want to get my magnifying glasses out to try to identify your face. Men love sending photos holding large fish or standing next to their beloved 1965 Corvet. Don’t. We don’t care about that. What do you look like in a suit? Take off the baseball cap! And smile for Pete’s sake. This is not the guillotines. Uploading a variety of photos is perfectly acceptable if they serve a purpose. I find travel shots interesting because I love to travel and can relate to someone else’s travels. It also gives me a place to start a conversation.
Who Are You, Really? Tell the truth, for God’s sake. Are you spiritual, religious, atheist, active, well-used-to-be-active,or never-could-stand-active people? The only chance you have to meet a “soul mate” is to be really honest about who you are, and…If you are looking for a friend, state it. If you want more than friendship there are nice ways to say it without alluding endlessly in your profile to the importance of s-e-x. What makes you different from the next guy/woman? Do you want to see more of the world? Do you love to garden? Love jazz, the opera, political conversation, etc. These are elements that make you…well, you.
Vital Statistics: Women underestimate their weight. Always. It is the rule of God. We feel we have that right. However, if it is more than ten pounds it is a misrepresentation of the truth. Men overestimate their height. If you list 5’11 and show up as 5’6″ it may not make a difference but it could for some. Physical Fitness: Maybe you exercised two hours a day six days a week ten years ago but that doesn’t count any more. Ten more years makes a vast difference in lifestyle between fifties and sixties for most people.
What You Want. Do you even know what is the magic formula?
Everyone states they like romantic walks on the beach. If that were really true our beaches would be overflowing with romantic singles! Beyond the beach, what makes for great companionship in your life? Don’t be afraid to list it. Still, be careful: truth can be exaggerated and misinterpreted…this is, after all, the internet and it can come back to haunt you!
Making Contact: Men should not misinterpret why women need to be cautious about giving out phone numbers, addresses, last names etc. We have been taught caution since we were four years old. I very rarely give out my phone number as it can be traced to where I live. I ask for the man’s number. Men usually are happy for the inquiry. I never respond to a man who sends his personal email address. Correspond through the website at first, call him for a conversation. If that flows well, either of you can suggest a time and place to meet. Importantly, the man must be willing to come to your area. After all, if it is inconvenient to do that from the start, how is he going to last through a dating/relationship if he is unwilling to come to your hood?
Appreciation: Ladies, if he takes you out for lunch or dinner, be sure to thank him not just in person but in a follow up note through the dating website. If you are interested in seeing him again, tell him so. Some men are out of their element with dating websites and don’t know what the heck to do. At the very least, he will enjoy the compliment.
Next: The best and the worst of first meetings! Compare mine to yours! 🙂